


Spanking the (Naked) Monkey

by certs_up



Category: Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann
Genre: Breaking the Fourth Wall, Exhibitionism, Humor, Masturbation, Other, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-07-31
Updated: 2009-07-31
Packaged: 2018-01-12 14:52:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1189266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/certs_up/pseuds/certs_up
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set just after the hot springs episode. Viral demands that the naked apes put some clothes on, so Kamina of course does the exact opposite—and worse. When Enki is mysteriously appropriated, Viral discovers just how far he will stoop to recover his gunmen. Also, Boota goes missing. Response to a prompt for "solo Kamina" on the Gurren Lagann kink meme.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Spanking the (Naked) Monkey

"But first things first." The red-clad figure glared down from the top of his gunmen, and his voice rose to a shriek. _"Put some clothes on!"_

Simon had the grace to look embarrassed, even though his faithful drill more than adequately covered his essentials. The women gave shrieks even louder and higher-pitched than Viral's as they fled. Gimmy extended a manly fist toward the intruder.

Kamina strode forward. "Hey, hey, hey! So, you want some clothes on this? See something here that makes you a little bit jealous?"

Boota gave a squeal of alarm and abandoned his increasingly post-like post. Remembering how the pig-mole had escaped him before, Gimmy promptly forgot about the new arrival and gave chase. Boota gave another squeal of alarm and made a beeline for the tallest climbable object in sight.

"Jealous?" Viral couldn't quite keep his voice at its normal raspy growl. "Of a naked ape? Don't ... don't ..." He fisted his hands so tight that his claw-tips drew blood. "Don't _do_ that, you perverted naked ape!"

He couldn't watch.

He couldn't _not_ watch.

Even Enki was watching. Viral blushed at the thought.

Kamina had a better use for his blood than blushing. "Maybe you're a trained warrior with that meat-cleaver thingy, but this is how a _real_ man shows his mettle. Impatient after an evening of deprivation, inspired by the morning's light on the eager mountains of a waiting conquest, the mighty Kamina raises his battle flag and sets forth to fill the emptiness, to warm the cockles of a woman's cold heart, and to arouse the envy...." Kamina paused in his stroking and squinted up at his adversary. "Those are _damn_ tight-fitting pants you've got there. Are you sure you're a pointer instead of a setter?"

This was too much. As he laboriously bounded down from Enki's heights, Viral snarled, "I. am. a. _grower._ not. a. _shower._ "

"Hey, hey, hey, if you're not a shower, that's still okay. The great Kamina doesn't deprive anybody of the sight of his—"

"Bro!" Simon squeaked. "That guy's got a _meat cleaver!_ "

Viral stalked forward empty-handed. "I wouldn't _dream_ of dirtying my weapon on that—that—"

"That's right, pal, eat your heart out, 'cause this is as dirty as it comes."

"Don't point that thing at me," Viral growled. "I can't believe I'm—"

Behind him, Enki groaned and started to move.

Viral's head whipped back and forth between Kamina and Enki, who had no business moving without him inside. "Which of you naked apes is so low he'll stoop to stealing my gunmen?"

"Don't look at me," said Kamina. "I've got my hands full right here. Hey, maybe it's Rossiu; he was pretty quick about hopping into Gurren when he had the chance."

"First they're naked, then they're thieving," Viral muttered as he stomped about the area. Seeing a good-sized piece of fabric, he snatched it up by its long fringe, intending to throw it over Kamina as forcibly as necessary. His grasp met with something much too heavy to be mere fabric: Rossiu, curled up under his generous cloak to hide from sights that overwhelmed his sensibilities. Rossiu's relief at seeing someone fully clothed overcame his alarm at being picked up by his hair by a beastman, even a beastman in as bad a temper as Viral clearly was. Viral flung him aside, and he landed with an impressive thud.

"Guess it isn't Rossiu," said Kamina, stroking himself with the kind of slow thoughtfulness usually associated with the above-the-waist beard.

Having wandered in a small circle, Enki loomed over the group and squawked, "Hey, this is _fun!_ "

"Gimmy?" said Simon, because it was time he had another line.

"Gimmy?" said Kamina, who was so surprised he stopped stroking himself.

"What the hell's a Gimmy?" said Viral, whose nerves were wearing thin.

"Gimmy's a little kid about this tall," said Simon, holding his hand at an appropriate height.

Viral's jaw dropped. _"A toddler is piloting my Enki?!"_

"I wouldn't call him a toddler," said Simon, "but it looks like you've got the rest of it right."

Viral indulged in a quiet moment of facepalming, then gathered his wits. "That's not possible. I mean, that is not—"

"What the hell d'you mean, it's not possible?" Kamina demanded. "Simon can pilot Lagann. I can pilot Gurren. Hell, even forehead boy there can pilot Gurren. You think that hunk of metal of yours is so special a human can't pilot it?"

"This isn't about species. It's about size."

"Oh, on about _size_ are we now, beastie?"

Viral fisted his hands on his hips and narrowed his one green eye at Kamina. "If I help you get off, will you help me get my gunmen back from that little monster?"

"Wait a minute, wait a minute, WAIT. A. MINUTE. This response is about _solo Kamina._ I can't go letting you just horn in like that. Gimmy's a little kid; he'll get bored of that in a while, like he would any other toy."

Viral practically sobbed, "My Enki is not a toy!"

"You are the worst whiner _ever,_ " Kamina muttered. "All right, _grower,_ let's see you provide a proper audience for my solo. On your knees! Revere the might that is Kamina's inimitable manhood!"

"Has anybody seen Boota?" Simon interrupted.

"Do I dare ask," Viral murmured, "what a Boota is?"

"Boota's a pig-mole," Simon told him. "About this big," he added, holding his hands an appropriate distance apart. "Boota?" He started casting about, walking in concentric circles while bending over and glancing from side to side. "Boota! Where are you?"

Kamina laid a heavy hand on Viral's shoulder. "So, do you want some help with your little project or don't you?"

Viral, defeated, dropped to his knees. "Kamina's manhood is indeed magnificent. And incomparable. And much too close to my face for comfort."

"You got it, beastie. Just keep those teeth and claws to yourself while I show you how it's done!"

"Boota? Is that you?"

"Kamina's technique is unparalleled in the history of the earth."

"Oh, yeah, baby, let me know!"

"Rossiu? Have you seen Boota?"

"Kamina's anatomy is unequalled in the expanse of the universe."

"Sing it, sister!"

"No, but I'll help you look."

"There is indeed no dick like Kamina—ah, like Kamina's."

"Oh .... oh ... ah .... YEEEAAAHHHHH......"

Viral also went limp, but with relief. He was breathing nearly as hard as Kamina when Enki completed another wandering circle and returned to loom over the group.

"Hey!" It was Gimmy's voice, this time live instead of through Enki's speakers. "There you are, you little rascal!" Gimmy made a grab at Boota, who had been clinging to Enki's exterior. "Gotcha—aw, darn it, come back here!"

Boota slithered to the ground and gave another squeal of alarm, fleeing as Gimmy slid down and pounded after him.

"You were a great audience," Kamina told Viral, who was somewhat shakily rising to his feet. "We oughta do this again sometime."

"I don't date outside my species!" Viral snapped as he dusted his knees. Simon had recovered his clothing, and as he wandered within Viral's reach, the beastman grabbed him by the collar and yanked him close. "You breathe one word of this to _anybody, ever,_ and you are _dead!_ " Simon gave a quiet _eep_ as Viral shoved him away and dashed toward his gunmen. "Enki! I'm coming!"

"Huh," Kamina muttered, as he watched Viral climbing in. "So that's what that guy gets off on. What a perv."

**Author's Note:**

> _Original prompt:_
> 
>  
> 
> Huh!
> 
> Why is there a lack of solo Kamina here?!
> 
> Well then,
> 
> Kamina, hot springs from that one episode (you know which one).
> 
>  
> 
> _He doesn't care who watches._


End file.
